Blind Ambition
by onehandhigh
Summary: The stakes are high for every gymnast. Emily channels all her strength into her skill, leaving a part of her untouched by the world. Can her new coach teach her to trust? Are they both brave enough to accept their feelings for each other?
1. The Beginning of the End

Her mind was racing: thoughts of her future at a nail salon in Vegas, living the life of her mother. It only took 24 hours for her life to flip, turn upside down. Yesterday she was attempting the most impressive move of her career: today, she was giving up. Running through this town, this foreign land, she was alone. She was always alone. But this time it was different. She's always had her gymnastics. The perfection of motion, the ease of the flexibility. He had taken it away. One quick failure and it was gone. She was gone.

Easing back into the motions of childhood: heading towards the only park she knew in this town, she grounded herself. The sand between her toes reminding her of nights at the playground learning the basics. The grass under her feet reminding her of her first floor routine, falls and all. Small differences: the texture of the wood on the beam, the give of the bars, reminded her where she was. Reminded her of all the people she would be letting down.

Her mother, who had given up literally everything she held dear to bring them here. Her brother, who supported her without understanding. Even Damon, who risked criminal activity to help her train. All of these people, let down because of his decisions.

Suddenly she found herself outside of his trailer, the rain providing the perfect pathetic fallacy for the turmoil in her soul. Pounding on his door, she had no plan, no strategy. She needed him to know that this was it for her, this was her everything. She would stand out in the rain all night if it meant she even got the chance to get back into that gym.

She poured herself out to him. Begged him to coach her, to let her show him she was coachable. He yielded.

He barked orders and she followed them precisely.

Finally, she stumbled.

"Fall. Backwards." She couldn't. He demanded complete obedience from her, something she had never given to anyone willingly. She snapped.

He wanted her to surrender. Right there. Right now.

He knew what he was asking her to do. He was bringing up all her insecurities of those who had left her: her father, stepfather, old coaches, old lovers. He was asking more than anyone had a right to ask from her.

He closed the space between them, muttering words of encouragment, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Her body, shuddering with sobs and an incoherent string of words, yielded to him. "You are an exceptional woman, Emily. I'm just asking you to let me in. Let me guide you."

And so she did.

So she let go.

Right there, right then.

"I need you. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone in my whole life."

Something shifted inside of them, something profound. A small touch from his fingertips sent sparks down her arms, across her cheek as he dried her tears. She smiled softly as he turned to leave. She was ready. "Wait". Slowly she made her way to the bar, and closed her eyes. She could feel him move behind her. She let go. She fell, knowing full well that he would be there. When she landed, she felt her world: him. He held her tightly in his arms.

His caress meant more, showed more.

***

Waking up at 4 am never felt so good to her. The thrill of it, the meaning, the art of training. After her first run through, she looked up to see him, watching her, coaching her. They shared a look, a moment: they didn't need words to express what had happened last night. They had transcended a plane, they had become one. She needed him, and he would learn soon that he needed her.


	2. Clarity to Confusion

When she is flying through the air, everything in her life completely disappears.

Before that night, it was simple determination that drove her. Her and the mats. Her and the beams. Just her. She was all she needed and all she wanted. She deserved that break, deserved that scholarship. So she made her family move, once again, for her and her dreams. Her.

Ever since he showed up, unannounced and uninvited in Boulder, she wasn't allowed to be alone. She wasn't allowed to depend on her. He pushed and pushed and pushed: the team, the girls, the friendships that she had never considered in gymnastics. So she tried. Half-hearted attempts at break for Spruce Juice. Showing them what a high school party was. Smiling every time they thoughtlessly forgot about inviting her or talking to her. For him, for her coach, for her gymnastics. Stepping out of her comfort zone, jumping through hoops that had no place in a gymnatics stadium. She found herself letting other parts of her life in: work, sport, family, friends all melding together. She was doing exactly what he wanted. Following the rules wasn't her strong suit, but for this dream, for this man, for this coach, for the opportunity, she was willing to give it a shot.

Even after that, even after all of this, it wasn't enough for him. So she gave up, and gave in.

Now when she was flying through the air, she saw moments. Moments from before with deeper meanings, sinister meanings, romantic meanings. Instead of the surreal clarity, she saw him. Saw what happened.

_"There are only 49 days left until Nationals and you will spend every waking moment of it in this gym. Together." _

Her mind jumped to her standing outside of his trailer soaking wet. The gym. Falling. Tears. Pain. Trust.

_"Together." _

The gym, that sacred place. That night. A place of worship, a place of dreams. Their simple declaration of trust turned dark as her tears subsided. His soothing caress grew urgent, filled with desire. Mutual desire. She repeated her own personal mantra. Sometimes you have to break the rules to survive. At that moment, she knew she wouldn't survive if she didn't try. He had started her down this path and he could not deny her now.

_"I thought you wanted to be exceptional. I thought you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast_."

She stared for what seemed like hours into his eyes. She had never seen this expression on his face. Anger, pride, disgust, concentration, rage: but not this. Indecision. She had to seize this opportunity. To be exceptional. To make them exceptional. She had never been this nervous: she didn't get nervous. But she felt it, an immense and overwhelming pull towards him. She laid her hands softly on his arms, and without a moment's hesitation, pushed her lips to meet his.

_"Emily. Emily, stop. You're a gymnast. I am your coach. This_,_"_ he motioned to the non-existent space between them, _"cannot. Happen."_

Pain. Immense pain.

She opened her eyes to find herself faceup on the matts. She'd missed the bar. Lost her focus. Confusion took the place of her clarity.


	3. Only Teenage Wasteland

She spent most of the morning covering for her slip ups. Blaming it on a lack of a warm-up, cold floors, loose bars, poor chalk. Anything to stall her admittance of the true cause. Him. Sasha. She tried to remember the words he had so calmly used to mend her heart.

_"You are the most beautiful woman, Emily. But you know this is wrong. There are lines between a coach and his athlete, and I will not cross this one. You need to keep focused." _

While cutting, his words assured her of the reciprocation of their feelings. In that moment at least, Sasha wanted her just as much as she wanted him. Not wanted. Needed. They finished their midnight rendezvous with no more talk of want or need. No more talk, at all, really. They didn't need words anymore, they were connected. She flew, moved, jumped, balanced with an ease and grace she had never known. She was on fire, all because of him. Trusting him, opening herself and her heart to him had made the difference. It had give her the edge she needed to bring it to Nationals.

A day full of sub-par performance had her convinced otherwise. She allowed herself to become distracted by flashes of their encounter. His arms around her waist. The texture of his lips. The sparkle in his eye. The indecision that she evoked in him. She finally understand why coaches had strict dating rules. If something as innocent as a kiss had her in this state of mind, it could only go downhill from there.

She surveyed the gym, watching the other girls for once. The effects of teen romance was evident on their performances as well. Emily knew that what she was feeling was wrong. It went against everything she had worked for. Giving up her childhood, a sense of stability, boyfriends, real friends. But her feelings for Sasha, for this man who had awakened something deep inside her, were unstoppable.

Everything she felt for any other man paled in comparison.

Razor, her coworker, first friend in boulder, and mystery suitor. He once made her weak in the knees. No longer.

Damon, her most loyal and trustworthy friend in years. She could tell her cared about her, and he used to present the biggest challenge to her devotion. No longer.

Leo, a fellow gymnast and Kaylie's older brother. Emily thought he was the closest she would get to someone understanding her lifestyle. No longer.

Finally she was having something a normal girl would experience: love. Forbidden love, but love none the less.

_"There are lines between a coach and his athlete, and I will not cross this one." _

He had drawn the lines, but it was up to her to show him how to cross them. It was up to her to convert these intense and overwhelming feelings into the grace and poise she felt that night. Feeling desired by Sasha gave her an energy she had never felt before. She wanted it, craved it, needed it back.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I just wanted to thank everyone for the response I've been getting, it has inspired me to keep writing. I'm also posting my story on livejournal if you want to follow it there. My profile has the links.  
**


	4. Where is My Mind

**Author's Note: This chapter crosses into M-rated territory. Be warned.**

* * *

An entire day wasted. The worst part of her training was that he barely said a thing about her slip ups. Certainly they were minor, things that other gymnasts might not even notice. But he should've noticed.

Sasha had been avoiding direct contact, physical or otherwise, the whole day. A step out of bounds on the mats would have led to a reaming in front of the entire gym. Today, he met her eyes and looked away. Somehow it felt worse. Like he was mocking her feelings. He could see the effect he had on her, but he refused to recognize it directly.

With every mistake, Emily became more resolved and more determined. How dare he give her hope and then take it away just as quickly.

_"There are lines between a coach and his athlete, and I will not cross this one." _

Emily was starting to see this as a personal challenge.

Why should they deny something that felt this strong and overpowering and right?

* * *

For the first time in a while, Emily felt herself in foreign territory. She was clandestinely going through her mother's closet, feeling foolish and giddy at the same time. She pulled on one of Chloe's more modest dresses and rummaged through her shoe collection. She calmed her nerves and finally snuck out just after midnight. The full moon lit her way to the gym, and more importantly, to Sasha's trailer. This was a new Emily, one who scared and excited her. Pushing her forward was the memory of the night before: their confessions and caresses. She needed to feel it again, to know it was still there.

* * *

By the time she arrived outside of his home, she was terrified. Putting it all on the line in gymnastics was a type of nervous that she had long since been accustomed to. In this situation however, she hardly knew what she was doing. Instead of listening to her brain, it was time for Emily to listen to her heart. And her heart knew exactly what it wanted.

Knock. Knock. Knock. She finally worked up the courage to announce her presence. She had heard some noise from inside, so she knew Sasha was not asleep. She hoped they would be doing things other than sleeping this evening.

He opened the door without showing any emotion. He simply motioned for her to come in. She had never been in his trailer. In was simple, clean and exactly as she might have pictured it. A small kitchen area with some dishes, a bedside table with some books scattered across it, a few pictures of his family on the walls. She tried to look around more, but she found it hard to take her eyes off of him and the look he was giving her.

"Listen, I know it's probably not appropriate for me to visit you like this, at this time of night. But I needed to. We need to at least talk about things. About... feelings," she spoke softly, avoiding direct eye contact with Sasha.

Sasha cleared his throat, "Emily, I thought we discussed this. I am your coach, end of story."

Tears began to well up in her eyes. "No, Sasha. No. That is not the end of the story. It's the beginning of it."

He opened his mouth to refute her claim, but no words came out. Instead, Emily stepped closer to him, her heart beating out of her chest. He knew this was wrong: wrong to have a teenage girl in his trailer, wrong to feel this way for a student, wrong to desire someone like Emily. But as she stood there, offering herself to him so boldly, he knew he could not refuse. He could never refuse her. One of his hands reached up to stroke her cheek, feeling the warmth from her blush under his fingertips. His other hand moved to her waist, pulling himself against her. "Emily", he sighed, "I want you to leave", his words betraying his heart.

Emily closed her eyes. "No Sasha, you don't want that at all," she replied, once again bringing her lips to meet his. His hold on her waist tightened, and he began to kiss her in return. Never had Emily felt so alive, felt so much passion. Her arms wound around his neck, his hand into her hair. His rough lips devoured hers, setting both of their bodies on fire. He began to let himself go, to allow his feelings for her to show. He led Emily to his bed, lying on top of her whilst continuing their kisses. Short sweet ones changed into longer more passionate kisses as he began to learn the curves of her body. He explored the sides of her body, lingering on the smooth skin just above her hips. She ran her hands up and down his back, pulling his shirt over his head between kisses. It was then that he began to make confessions to her.

"Emily, I've wanted you since the first day I saw you," he whispered, out of breath. "You have an air about you, a mystery, a beauty that I wanted to behold." He started to pepper her neck and collarbone with kisses in between his words.

Though she was having some trouble breathing, Emily found the right words. "You stir in me feelings that I haven't felt before. You make me feel passion and desire. I need to have you, Sasha." She sat up to unzip her outfit, leaving her in a state of undress under Sasha's half naked body. She silenced his concerns with a forceful kiss, rolling them over so she was on top. She could feel his excitement better from this position and she started rolling her hips into him. His hands reached around to unclasp her bra. If she had been in this situation with anyone else, she may have felt embarassed. But not with Sasha. Every movement he made was filled with caring and respect. And desire. He moved his hands to begin massaging Emily's breasts as a warm feeling coursed through her veins. She could feel herself getting noticeably excited in a way she had never been before. She reached down to stroke Sasha through his pants. Almost all rational though had left her mind as one of Sasha's hands slipped below her panties into unchartered territory. He could feel how ready she was for him, and she knew she wouldn't last much longer from his touch. She removed his pants and boxers revealing his erect member, a sight that drove her to the brink. She soflty placed her lips around him before Sasha, exasperated, said "Later. I need you right now", to which Emily only smiled and yielded to him.

He removed her panties and laid her on her back. He leaned over her, kissing her from her mouth down her neck while caressing every part of her body. She was flushed and making the most delicious sounds for him. He grabbed a condom and positioned himself at her inviting entrance. Looking into her eyes, he asked for permission. She wordlessly encouraged him, kissing him deeper and wrapping her arms around him. He entered her, slowly and sensually, feeling how tight she was around him. Emily's eyes were closed and her mouth hung open as she experienced a mixture of intense pain and intense pleasure. Sasha wiped a tear from her eye, and asked "Are you alright?". She nodded, and he pushed in and out, caressing her chest and kissing her lips. The motions between them became beautiful, became art. Once again, Emily felt something inside of her shift as waves of pleasure started to engulf her. Sasha felt her ride out her orgasm, following her not long after. He brushed the hair from her face and moved to lie beside her.

Catching her breath, Emily turned to face him. "Well, that changes a few things", she said happily.

"Yes, yes it does," Sasha responded, kissing her softly on her forehead.


	5. I Feel You In My Heart

Basking in the euphoria of coitus, Emily's mind was subdued with calming thoughts of her friend, coach and lover: Sasha Belov. Two naked bodies, still intertwined, lay in the glow of the moonlight, settling into a comfortable silence. Her mind wasn't on gymnastics or money or family. His wasn't on morality or ethics or reputation. They had both found a way to simply live in the moment, and enjoy what they had together. Emily's first time was everything it should have been: special, romantic and meaningful. Hours were passing with whispered words and subdued laughter. But each time she looked up at the clock, her mind started slipping back into reality. She wasn't just in bed with a lover. She was in bed with her coach. Her coach, for Christ's sake. This was shocking for a number of reasons, mainly of which being that Emily had never planned on losing it before she had gotten a gold medal. In all her years of gymnastics, Emily had never felt any remote attraction to a coach or any other man for that matter. Emily was not a girl to act on impulse. She thought out every move she made. She prided herself on her logic skills. In theory, Emily would never sleep with her coach.

But the reality of it was quite obviously completely opposite.

For the first time in a long time, Emily was feeling desired. She was feeling like a woman, cradled in the arms of a strong man who loved her.

That's where it all started to go wrong for her.

Images of her past started to flood her thoughts. Her mother's emotional and financial dependence on men and the always bitter outcome. Chloe would change from a strong independent woman to a frail shell of a human after Paul or Mark or Scott was done with her. This is how Emily knew men. They were life ruiners.

She had known this for years and years. She had been able to keep everyone out.

Except for the extremely naked man that she was now lying beside. He had cut through her shell, convinced her to trust.

And it had been worth it.

Reminding herself that he wasn't a Paul or a Mark or a Scott calmed her encroaching panic attack. He was just Sasha.

They finally said goodbye just before sunrise. Emily walked home in a quiet glow of the morning, finding herself skipping every once in a while. She snuck into her bedroom and dozed off for a few hours of sleep before morning training began.

Training the next day was both the worst and the best. She had never trained a full day on such little sleep and she was fighting exhaustion for 10 hours. The only thing that kept her running was the stolen smiles and winks between her and Sasha. His small readjustments of her body, on the beam or the mats, would make her skin burn with desire and memory of the night before.

He was igniting her. Setting her on fire. She had never performed with such raw strength or passion, or beauty and grace than she had on this day. Her face was never seen without a huge brimming smile.

* * *

Somehow she knew that this is what it felt like to be an Olympian: that Sasha, through his coaching, his teaching and his loving, had given her exactly what she needed to become the gymnast she truly was: trust.

* * *

**A/N: That's the end of it, folks. Thanks for following this story, I really appreciated all the feedback. If you like what you've been reading, I am planning on doing some more Make It or Break It fics. So, stay tuned and thanks again. 3**


End file.
